Willie had left it until the last minute. It was Christmas Eve. He'd be spending it alone unless you counted his dog, 'Boner,' which he did, of course.

The supermarket was chaos, and Willie felt harassed as he fought his way through the meat section, looking at the labelling when the contents of each fridge were unclear.

The panic buyers had turned everything on its head. Items weren't where they were supposed to be, and Willie was getting angry and rigid with frustration. Another misplaced item saw Willie's inner angst spill out.

"Ham hock? Kiss my cock!" Willie shouted.

Fanny had also been trying to fill her basket and was startled by Willie's firmness.

"Bacon bits? Suck my tits!" Fanny said loudly, understanding how hard things could be sometimes.

The instant bond of shared frustration saw Willie and Fanny decide to do their shopping together.

"Brussels sprouts? Climax shouts!" Willie said, looking at the next item on his list.

Willie and Fanny needed each other badly. It was the only way they could deal with whatever was to come together.

Fighting their way to the fruit and veg aisles, Willie trembled, but he had got hold of his sprouts, so he felt happier.

"Dover sole, fill my hole," Fanny said as Wille fondled his vegetables and pointed out Fanny was nowhere near the fish counter.

"I know. I was just telling Santa what I hope he'll send someone around to do, and I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed with it," Fanny confessed with a smile.

"Bog roll?" Willie said, stirring Fanny and getting her juices flowing...creatively.

Crusty bread? Giving head. Scented candle? Pull my handle. Oven mitt? Suck my clit. Willie and Fanny were unstoppable.

Willie and Fanny had bought so much that they decided to come together for Christmas, and tasting Willie's load and Fanny's delights seemed sensible. However, the choice of venue needed thrashing out.

"It's nice and warm inside mine, but it gets damp, and I usually have to get up at night to sort things out. I've got a nice verandah, and it's perfect for having guests drop by." Fanny explained.

"I'm happy where I am, but it can get very hard. The solution's in my hands, but I wish it were elsewhere," Willie replied.

Fanny decided she needed to help Willie with his solution and said she would welcome him inside and bring it all out over a nice Christmas encounter.

"Warm and wet Fanny officially invites Willie to share all they have," Fanny said, hoping spotted dick would be a comment on a Christmas viewing, not a strange choice of festive dessert this year.

When Fanny found out about Boner, she said she knew Willie and Boner couldn't be without each other, so she and Willie went to pick him up. Boner always liked being handled, and Fanny's lips on him, as she kissed his length, when they met saw him stand tall, hoping for more of the same later.

"If you go to sleep with a Boner every night, maybe I should get one called 'Axe' so I can scream 'Ciimb, Axe' at him when I need to?" Fanny said, almost weeping with joy.

Fanny and Willie shut Boner inside the kitchen with some treats. Boner had received fuss and treats from Fanny, so he had already taken a shine to her, although he'd only humped her leg once. He also felt sure Willie would blow his score out of the water quickly, based on what he had seen and heard.

With a happy Boner, Willie soon began to run through the activities inspired by their shopping lists with Fanny.

The opening 'ham hock' saw Willie's joint basted until it was served with a generous helping of sauce. Fanny wept happily, as often happens on the arrival of the sauce boat, and she pillaged it like pirates on similar seas of saltiness.

"Happy sucking Christmas," Fanny screamed as she emptied Willie's willy. Fanny's fanny was wetter than a bank holiday too, and Willie returned the favour immediately.

With Willie's willy taking a breather, it was Fanny's fanny's turn to visit Tingle Town, and it did.

"I've delivered the crusty bread, so you'd better get to work on my oven mitt. You'll need fireproof gear; it's blazing inside." Fanny warned in her health and safety voice.

Fanny's Fanny had a really rather pleasant visit from the guest taster, and her oven mitt had a flavour Willie couldn't quite put his finger on, although his lips and tongue more than made up for that. Fanny's fanny could have powered half the Christmas lights in town for the day with the current racing inside it, but she decided just to let Willie make her scream, writhe, and shout 'fuck' a lot instead, and he did.

Just like Christmas everywhere, Fanny suddenly remembered she'd forgotten her 'bacon bits' and felt this needed to be rectified immediately. Having her bacon bits frazzled whilst still savouring the taste of crusty bread and the feeling of oven mitts was excellent and showed that, like any kitchen, things could get chaotic at any time.

Swimming in an ocean of pleasure, Willie remembered Fanny's fishy dish and hoped she realised what he was about to say was repetition and not a personal request.

"Dover sole, fill my hole?" Willie asked, bringing a smile to Fanny's face and a nod instantly.

Before their fishing expedition, Fanny and Willie went to check on Boner. Fanny got a lick on her face immediately, it being one of the few bits of Fanny that Willie hadn't explored with his tongue.

"Every girl should have a Boner on standby to put a smile on their face," Fanny said as her thoughts returned to fish.

Once Boner had stretched, yawned, and licked his balls, he went back to sleep. Willie and Fanny had other matters to attend to.

Fanny decided to take charge, straddling Willie and bouncing up and down on his willy like he was a trampoline.

Willie's willy and Fanny's fanny fitted like a hand in a glove, even if the glove was as wet as the water the Dover sole had swum in before being caught and put into a story.

"I hope my knob's got its snorkel on. It's choppy in the sea of Fanny," Willie said, turning on the charm.

"As long as he finds the jellyfish on the seabed, I don't care if he's wearing a top hat. He did, and he wasn't.

The deep-sea diver and the jellyfish had a ball, and Willie's octopus ink turned Fanny to jelly...fish.

Fanny and Willie took a break to eat, chatting between mouthfuls, just as they had been doing for hours.

Fanny had thought she would be spending Christmas alone until the gods of Tesco had intervened and delivered a Willie. When the doorbell rang, she was astonished; two visitors in a day was a new experience.

"Hello, Fanny, it's Santa," the gentleman dressed in red (and who was clearly telling the truth) said.

Santa explained his elves had tipped him off that there was a lonely Fanny in the neighbourhood, and she might need cheering up.

"Your beaming smile, red face, and the drop of cum on your nose tell me my intelligence sources are shit," Santa said. He wasn't angry; he was as happy as Fanny, even before Fanny let him lick her salty. white nose clean.

Boner hated doorbells, so he'd gone ballistic when Santa had popped around. He did think the bloke in the red suit looked very shaggable, though, so Santa was forgiven and got a leg knobbing as a Boner bonus, which gave Santa a boner too. Boner getting his end away with Santa just summed up what a splendidly wholesome and joyful day it was.

Santa, Willie, Fanny, and Boner went for a walk together to get some fresh air and to let Boner have a dump. As Fanny walked, she looked at the trousers of the men present and the dog's undercarriage.

'Three boners, all happy to please me,' Fanny thought to herself as she realised this was one Christmas she'd never forget.