Dear Mistress Kat,

I’m a married man in my fifties who is trying to spice things up in my sex life, and I need some ideas on how to do it right. I want to do something special, like take my wife on a weekend away somewhere.

I should let you know that she was brought up to think sex was dirty and that good girls don’t like it. With some help from a therapist, she has learned to lighten up a little and allow herself to enjoy being in bed with me. She has mentioned that she’s willing to be more open to trying new things. The biggest issue is that it’s not always easy to make sure she has an orgasm.

Are there any sure-fired ways that you can suggest I try? I’m open to anything; I just want to make my wife feel good. Okay, maybe I want to have her experience a mind-blowing orgasm, too.

Thanks,

Ivan Wannamakercum

~~~~~

Dear Ivan,

Catchy name! Thanks for your letter. I’m happy to help!

Since anything too scripted will backfire, I’ve given you a list of ideas instead of a step-by-step plan.

All of these are things that my partner and I have done together to make our sex life above and beyond.

First, here’s some general advice. Orgasms are easier to achieve when a woman feels aroused and desirable. All of these strategies I’m about to share appeal to some women some of the time but not necessarily all women all of the time. Your most important job is to see how receptive she is to what you are saying/doing. If she looks, seems, or sounds disappointed at any time, you’re going in the wrong direction and need to switch gears.

So, consider this a buffet table of choices to mix and match while finding the best fit. There is no particular order, so read the list and highlight the options you think may be most successful. However, you should also choose at least one thing that might be a little out of your comfort zone or something you’ve never considered. This way, you are both trying something new.

SEXY PANTIES
Buy her sexy panties. Just make sure they are something she might actually wear. I’m talking about a pretty, lacy bikini or thong or boy short that will make her feel desirable. Pick her favorite color or something other than red or black. They should be just a lovely, sexy pair of panties (no ensembles, garters, or lingerie...just panties). Wrap them in a pretty box. Leave them on her pillow with a card that says you can’t wait to see her in them, or better yet, ask her to take a picture of herself in them and text it to you. Then make sure you ooh and ahh over the image. Tell her how hard it made you just seeing her in them. Tell her that you want her to wear them when you go away for the weekend; how you picture yourself sliding the material over and rubbing your cock against her pussy while she’s wearing them.

SEXY PICS/VIDS
If you are going to send her sexy pics, make sure you send pics that she will find hot. For example, photos of a twenty-two-year-old don’t appeal to me. All they do is remind me that I am not twenty-two anymore and make me feel shitty about my body. Now, a photo of a woman in her forties — especially with real breasts and a normal body? Yup, that makes me hot. Figure out what your wife’s preferences are; maybe she would enjoy images of hunky guys instead. Make sure whatever pics you send don’t do just the opposite of your intentions. As a redhead, I love it when the sexy woman is also a redhead! Figure out what appeals to her and send a few; don’t blow up her phone with them.

SEXY TEXTS/EMAILS
While I do enjoy the occasional I wanna fuck you like an animal text, what really turns me on is when the message is a bit more subtle. Such as, Mmm, it makes me so hot thinking my hands teasing their way down your body from your neck to your beautiful tits, then down your stomach to your delicious bare mound. Then I want to tease you all around your clit and your labia but not slide in quite yet. I want you panting and begging before I ran myself inside you and make you cum so hard... Ok, you get the idea...elaborate. Paint a picture with words. You want to make her close her eyes and envision what you are describing to her.

SEXY PHRASES
Test or message things like:
I can’t stop thinking about your gorgeous body.
I want to experience your mouth on my cock so badly right now.
Mmm, I wish I was holding onto your hips and sliding my cock inside your sweet pussy.
I can’t wait to get my hands on your breasts.
I need to feel myself moving in and out of your hot, wet pussy.
I am so turned on by even the thought of having you naked in my bed.
I want to kiss every inch of your body, paying special attention to those beautiful nipples.
Imagine my fingers inside you.
I keep thinking about shooting my cum deep inside your pussy.

Or whatever you think will titillate her.

ALL ABOUT HER
Whether it’s part of the build-up or part of the actual trip, plan a session that is all about her. If you want to make it part of the mind fuck and wait to do it in the trip, you could just tell her about this via email or text. If you need to take care of yourself before or after that’s fine, but this session should only be about her cumming. (Or you can fuck her after she has had her delicious orgasm). There are so many variations of this that I would advise picking a scenario and improvising as you go along. Most importantly, ensure you are doing what she wants in this session. Ask her where she wants to be touched. Ask her if she wants your hands or your mouth or your cock or a toy doing a particular thing to her. Be sure to take your time with this. Rub her back and/or her feet, brush her hair, massage her breasts, spank her ass, whatever she desires. Nuzzle her neck, nibble her earlobes or her nipples, or use a feather to trace little erotic circles on her body. Whisper in her ear, asking her what she wants you to do to her. Then do it; follow her lead. The purpose of this session is for her to feel amazing, which will increase her feelings of arousal.

SEND HER FLOWERS
Or pick them up and bring them home. Tell her you wanted her to know you’ve been thinking about her all day. How special she is; how she still makes you as hot for her as the first time you made love. How she is intelligent and desirable and makes you feel like a man. Trust me on this one.

PRETEND YOU JUST MET HER
Text or email her as if you were just meeting her for the first time. Tell her she sounds sexy, and you want to meet her. How about this weekend? Remember how exciting it felt (and still feels) to send messages to each other? It’s arousing, exciting, and fun. Pretend you don’t know her and ask her to send a picture of herself. And send one to her. Ask her what color panties she has on and/or what color bra she has on. Ask her to describe her breasts to you, but don’t ask for her measurements. Chat with her as if she is someone new and exciting.

MAKE HER WAIT
Text, call, or message her directions to get herself aroused in her favorite way but to stop short of making herself cum. Ask her to do this a couple of times during the day. Having her be aroused without completion can heighten her sensations when she finally does cum. If you can do it as a phone call, tell her what to do. Tease her until she sounds like she is aroused, then ask her to stop and wait for you.

WRITE AN EROTIC STORY TOGETHER
Text or email her what you want to do with her and ask her to respond with what she wants to happen next. Go back and forth until you have created a story together. It’s okay to embellish a little, too.

WRITE HER A LOVE NOTE
Take time to write her an old-fashioned love letter. On paper. With pen or pencil. Talk about what made you fall in love with her and what you think about when you look in her eyes. Talk about the first time you kissed and how it made you feel. You can keep it sweet or add suggestive talk.
Whatever comes naturally.

ASK HER TO WRITE DOWN A SEXUAL FANTASY SHE HAS
This can be something that she wants to do or something that is strictly fantasy. Encourage her to be completely honest and tell her you can’t wait to read all about it. If it is in the “strictly fantasy” category, be sure to let her know you don’t expect her to go through with it but talk about how hot it would be if... For example, my fantasy (which is in the strictly fantasy category) is to be gangbanged by six black guys while my husband watches. There are times when we are having sex, and he starts talking about how he’s going to set that up and how exciting it will be, etc. I know it’s strictly talk ahead of time. But in the heat of some fantastic sex, I beg him to set it up and make it happen. Once we both cum, the fantasy goes back in the box until the next time.

THE 5 Ws – (Kat’s version)
Text her throughout the day asking questions like:
Where would you want me to touch you if I were with you?
How do you want me to fuck you when we are alone together next time?
What room do you want to have sex in the next time we are alone?
When do you want to touch me tonight?
Why do you like my hands on your body?
Etc...

SEXY MOVIE SCENES
Ask her to think about some of her favorite movie scenes and ask her to picture herself in the scene. I have had sex with the likes of Colin Farrell, Robert Downey Jr., Queen Latifah, and Scarlett Johanssen in my head multiple times, picturing myself as the love interest. Figure out who her big screen (or little screen) heartthrob is and see about renting a movie to spark ideas.

Well, there you go! Don’t try too many of these suggestions; start with one or two. You’ll figure out which ones best suit you as a couple. I guarantee she will appreciate your efforts. Especially since she said she was open to trying new things.

Good luck, Ivan. I hope this helps! Your wife is lucky to have a man who cares so much about her happiness.

Cheers,

Mistress Kat