Quote by Elling50
I am trying to learn and understand here, not put anyone down.

For me it is important to treat other people with respect, and most of all those you are is a near relationship with. I have through my work seen relations where one partner is abusing and destroying the other - and psychological abuse can be just as destroying as physical violence.

I guess I am not wired for BDSM, but I would think that there must be a mutual respect between Dom and Sub, and a trust that the Dom is not going to damage his/her sub physically or psychologically.

Is that what you mean by difference between humiliation and degrading? Humiliation is pushing your limit into embarassing and awkward territory that may be or become likable anyhow? But degradation is abuse.

But do you agree that the relationship between Dom and Sub should have a mutual respect, that the Dom is not more worth as a human beeng then his/her Sub, and that a Dom should not damage a Sub?

This is a great question and I appreciate the time you are taking to understand it.

One of the paradoxes for me about Domination / submission is also the thing that makes it the most potent.
What is that you might ask?

It's the fact that the most extreme acts of dominance require the highest level of trust.

Everybody sees and talks about the acts that a submissive will allow. After all, any true Dominant will tell you that a submissive has all the power. In my case she decides what power she hands over or not.

There is a point at which a submissive will hand over the power to decide. That's incredibly powerful.

Humiliation play for me, comes at that point or after. It's a way in which to express the intense trust and pleasure that you get from pushing somebody past a limit they never thought possible. For them, in turn, it is taking something from you that they would never take from anybody else.

If its not rooted in trust however, it becomes abuse.

What is the degradation part of humiliation?
There are those that are aroused when they are called names. Subs I have played with find it a jolt to be called a slut, a bitch, a whore during play.
There are those that then will take treatment that is more demeaning. Depersonalization is a popular way to move into this territory. This is where a submissive will allow herself to be treated like a dog, or a piece of furniture.

The question of why somebody enjoys this is a big topic. There are multiple reasons. Sometimes it has to do with dealing with trauma, and in that case it is best that this kind of play is avoided. In other cases, it is a way for them to reclaim things that they once had difficulty with.

What I do know is that humiliation play with submissives I have spent a long time with and gotten to know have resulted in some of the most potent mindfucks and powerful orgasms ever - on both sides.

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