Chapter 9: Mission Failed

After sharing our painful pasts, Tabitha seems to go on a mission. A mission of trying to find me my soulmate. Half the time, I feel she is poking fun at me because of the way she says soulmate in a sarcastic, unbelieving tone followed by a chuckle. She continually points out every pretty girl and tries to get me to talk with her. She even brings me pretty girls to meet. Some of these are her own friends who, she says, think I’m hot. After meeting someone new, Tabitha always grills me about what I think. I simply pick the girl apart in one way or another, always finding a critical flaw that prevents me from wanting to date her. She acts like she doesn’t realize there is only one woman in the world I want to date, and that woman is the one she sees in her bathroom mirror every morning. 

Over the next months, Tabitha and I become nearly inseparable. We start to hang out almost every day. Though I have other friends and acquaintances, those relationships are not on the same level intellectually as my relationship with Tabitha. The guys I hang out with don’t share the same values as me. They either like to get too drunk, talk disrespectfully about women, and/or can’t hold a conversation about anything other than sports.

Tabitha, on the other hand, is much more interesting to hang out with. Besides, she is beautiful. Einstein said it best when he said, “Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it feels like a minute; sit on a hot stove for a minute and it feels like many hours. That's relativity."

In the middle of November, neither of us have plans on a Saturday night. We don’t feel like going out either. Tabi invites me over for popcorn and a movie. We end up watching “When Harry Met Sally,” which is a classic, silly romance about a man and woman’s friendship. In the movie, Harry tells Sally that men and women can’t be friends because one always wants to sleep with the other. Tabitha looks at me and says, “See, that is why I’m always heading you off before you go there."

Later in the movie, Sally is upset about her ex. I look over at Tabitha as she wipes a tear from her eye. I move over next to her and put my arm around my beautiful friend. She responds by leaning her head on my shoulder. It feels wonderful to touch and comfort her. 

“I bet you miss him, eh?" I say, referring to Garrett. This makes her cry a little harder.

In the movie, the sadness of Sally ends with Harry and Sally sharing a kiss, and it's obvious where the next scene is headed. At this, Tabitha sits up and pushes herself away from me like I have a deadly, contagious disease.

“Don’t get any ideas. You’re not boinking me," she says, glaring at me with eyes that are still a little moist and puffy. She then gets up off the couch, walks out of the room, and into her bathroom.

My heart breaks as the scene in the movie progresses. There is nothing in the world I want more than to be Tabitha’s lover.

A couple of weeks later, Tabi and I skip our workouts on a Thursday and head to Jacob’s earlier than normal. I order my typical large salad with grilled chicken. Tabi orders her typical half sandwich and cup of soup. She seems distracted. She continually scans the restaurant and bar as we wait for our meals. Once our meals arrive, she quickly finishes her food, then returns her focus back out to everyone and everything around us. Though she ignores me, it doesn’t bother me. I eat my salad in peace.

As I'm finishing my meal, Tabi leans over the table and says, “Don’t make it obvious, but that very pretty, kinda exotic looking girl over there is totally checking you out. You definitely need to go talk to her. She definitely looks like your earthy, sensual type." Tabi’s tone is light and playful.

If I didn’t know better, I’d think Tabi is flirting with me. After a minute, I look to find a fairly attractive brunette sitting at the bar looking our way. I recognize her as Hanna, someone I met a while back. Hanna is not looking at me, however, she is looking intently at Tabitha. Hanna meets my eyes momentarily and quickly diverts her gaze.

“Um, I think your gaydar is broken. She is not checking me out. She is totally checking you out," I say, leaning in and telling Tabitha in a quiet, but playful tone.

“Eww! Gross! Don’t ever say that again," Tabitha almost yells while hiding her face as it blushes, then punches me in the ribs. After a couple moments, she glances back toward where Hanna is sitting. “And, no. She is not checking me out. She is definitely interested in you." 

“She seems to be interested in everyone," I say flatly, without looking again toward Hanna. I recall all the times I’ve seen Hanna flirting with and/or being hit on by basically every guy, single or not, in the area.

“Should be easy for you to get laid then," Tabitha quips.

“It’s not about getting laid! Geez! You just don’t get me, do you?" I feel my adrenaline trigger. I’m bothered by how she accuses me. She either doesn’t understand me or is playing with me.

“Maybe I need to know more about your weirdo philosophy then, so I can find you your gypsy sex goddess. Um, sorry, soulmate.” She says soulmate with a very silly, sarcastic tone and makes air quotes around it. She also rolls her eyes in disbelief, but in a playful way.

“I’ve already told you my philosophy, and Hanna is too selfish for me," I whisper. 

“What do you mean by too selfish?" she asks. Just then, Sarah bounces by. “What about Sarah, then?”

“Sarah is too giving.”

“Wait, what? What do you mean and how can you tell? Have you slept with both of them already?”

“Geez, there you go again.  Knock it off. No, I have never slept with either one of them. Haven’t even gone out on a single date with either of them. I have no interest. I just know from talking with them. Hanna is all about her. I would likely be a sexual conquest to her, and that’s it.”

“Ah. So kind of like your ex," Tabitha deduces.

“Yeah. Exactly. Sarah is just the opposite. She would be a sexual conquest for me. She’s too giving." Tabitha looks confused, so I continue. “What don’t you understand?" I sigh, fed up with trying to explain myself. 

“What are you looking for then?"

I take a deep, clarifying breath and blow it out, trying to remain patient. “I’m looking for a strong, confident, and independent woman who will give and receive. Probably more receive than give, actually.” My voice comes out low and calm. 

“What do you mean by give and receive?” Tabi matches my tone. 

“Pleasure." Tabitha still looks confused. “In bed, Tabitha. In bed," I whisper.

Tabi finally shows some level of understanding, but it’s combined with a slight blush of embarrassment. “So you’re not looking for a slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am type girl?"

“Or a slam-bam-thank-you-sir type girl. Hanna would be too selfish in bed, and Sarah wouldn’t be selfish enough. I’m looking for someone who is in the middle...well, kind of. I want a woman who is selfish in bed, but not Hanna selfish. Does that make sense?" I wonder if I may have just talked in a circle.

“Kind of. But, how is a girl going to be selfish in bed? I don’t get that.”

I have to take another clarifying breath. I sense I am about to lose my patience with my inquisitive friend. I can’t understand what Tabitha doesn’t get. “Pleasure. I want someone who expects me to pleasure them in bed, but not necessarily demand it or be domineering over me. I want to give them that pleasure, because by providing a woman pleasure, I, in return, will be pleasured.”

“So, by pleasure, um, you mean...“ She looks completely embarrassed to say what she is thinking.

“Orgasms." I blurt. Her eyes look like they are going to pop out of her head. “Orgasms, Tabi. Lots of them." She looks like a deer in the headlights which, for some reason, frustrates me even more. “You know, orgasms? You were married, right? Garrett gave you orgasms, right? Yes. Those orgasms. That is what I want my woman to expect out of our lovemaking. Is that so bad? Is that so foreign to you?" By this time, Tabitha has turned away with cheeks beet red. I pause to calm myself down and give Tabi a chance to process what I said. “Didn’t you listen to me when I told you about my philosophy?" I look away, frustrated.

Though I do not make eye contact with Tabitha as I try to hide my emotions, I sense her looking at me. My brain, internally, rattles off a bunch of information I could tell her.

“Um, you’ve only given me the Cliff Notes version, remember?" she chides. After a couple minutes of my continued silence and lack of engagement, she continues with, “What else is in that crazy brain of yours?" she asks, reaching over and tapping a finger on the side of my head.

Tabitha’s touch yanks me back into the present, but I sit quietly staring at her, trying to figure out if she is serious or not. My mind again drifts off into thoughts of my sexual philosophy.

“Well?" she urges.

“You’re serious?”

“Yes, I’m serious. How am I supposed to find your soulmate if I don’t understand what she is really like in your, um...”

“Fantasies, Tabitha. They are called fantasies,” I say, exhausted from the conversation. “And it seems that’s all they will ever be." 

The realization hurts when I say it out loud. I look to Tabitha after shaking my depressing thought out of my head to see her watching me with what appears to be sincere interest. I continue to stare at her for a moment with my mind going a mile a minute without saying anything. 

“Come on. What have you got to lose? It’s only," She checks her phone for the time, “six o’clock, so we have lots of time.”

“My dignity.”

“What?"

“My dignity. I will lose my dignity. All you’re going to do is make fun of me again," I say.

“I promise I won’t make fun this time," Tabi responds, but still shows a smirk creeping across her pretty face. I notice her eyes are bright and serious.

We both look up to find Hanna gone.

“Looks like you have just missed your chance at your gypsy sex goddess." Tabitha’s voice is light and cheery.

“Maybe you did.”

“Ick, gross!" We both laugh. I like making her laugh.

“Come on. Spit it out," Tabitha urges again after another minute of sitting in silence.

“Out with what?"

“Now you’re going to act coy? You know what. Your philosophy.”

“Not here."

“Why not?”

I scoff. “Because it’s very private. I’ve never shared it with anyone. I’m not even sure I want to share it with you. I definitely don’t want to share it with the whole bar, that’s for sure."

“Fine. Would you feel more comfortable sharing it with me in private? Want to come over? I’ll make us some decaf." She finishes in a bubbly tone. 

I find myself amazed at how she seems to always get me to want to tell her things I’ve never told anyone else. I am also amazed by how she can change her mood in an instant. “I guess," I sigh. Somewhat reluctantly, I follow her out of the bar after we pay our bills.

Chapter 10: Baring It All

As we approach Tabitha’s door, I excuse myself and promise her I will be back in a few minutes. Tabi states she will get the decaf started. A few minutes later, I'm back at her place with my laptop.

“What are you planning on doing, showing me porn or something?" Tabitha inquires sarcastically as she opens her door for me and notices I'm carrying my computer.

“What? No. I wrote it down. I brought this,” holding up my laptop, “so I can keep it all straight," I say, crossing her threshold. My stomach is in knots as I'm suddenly unsure I want to bare my innermost thoughts about love, relationships, and sex with my friend.

Tabi has two steaming cups of coffee sitting across from each other at her dinette table. I approach, sit, open my laptop, and open the document called “My Philosophy." I begin to scan the document, trying to determine how much of it I should share.

My friend sits across from me, but does not say anything. I must zone out as I continue to stare at my screen. “Your coffee is getting cold," Tabi states.

Her voice makes me jump. I forgot I wasn’t alone. I reach over, grab my warm cup, and bring it to my lips. I see Tabitha out of the corner of my eye, sitting upright in her chair with both elbows resting on the table. Both of her petite hands are wrapped comfortably around her coffee mug. She is holding the mug close to her mouth, sipping on it. Her eyes are looking at me expectantly.

I take a sip of my coffee. It cuts through the dryness in my mouth. “I don’t think I can share this with you," I say, looking at some of the more intimate things I have written.

“How is your soulmate supposed to know what you expect if you cannot explain it to her?”

“The laws of belief and attraction. You know, what you think about becomes or is attracted into your reality, um, type thing." My voice trails off as I see doubt wash over Tabitha’s expression.

“Bull. I don’t believe in that phoo-phoo dust crap." Tabi seems to stare into my soul.

“I can’t share this with you," I say, trying to make my voice sound confident.

Tabitha presses me with, “If you can’t share it with your best friend, who can you share it with?"

“My soulmate."

“Then, pretend I'm your soulmate," she says nonchalantly.

My heart explodes like a volcano. I can totally see her as my soulmate. I want her to be my soulmate. I need her to be my soulmate. 

Tabi bursts into laughter. “What?” I ask, hoping I didn’t just say my thoughts out loud.

“You actually are imagining I could be your soulmate. Get over yourself." She laughs as she obviously sees right through me.

The volcano feels like it gets stomped on by a giant foot. “See. You’re just going to make fun of me." I close my laptop. I feel myself wanting to run away and hide.

Tabitha must see the hurt and fear in me. She reaches across the table and touches my hand. Her touch sends a cool, calming river directly into my bloodstream. “I'm so sorry. I don’t mean to make fun. I'm actually interested," she says, looking at me with a comforting smile. “How about I put my HR face on?" She breaks contact with my hand, then wipes her hand down her face and, quite literally, wipes all emotion off of it except for her soft, expectant eyes.

“Fine," I say through a clenched jaw, trying to steel my nerves, “But if you laugh even once. I’m done.”

“Good. Now we are making progress. Please continue," Tabitha says in a clear, professional tone.

I’m, again, amazed by her ability to change on a moment’s notice. I open my laptop and decide to read the document out loud in its entirety. I don’t want to try to explain it or have an open discussion about it.

“Okay. So, I wrote this basically as an essay, so bear with me. It’s probably going to sound very boring and dry. It is not written in perfect grammar, may be confusing, etcetera."

“Okay. Sounds good. Please continue," is all I hear from Tabitha in her same, must be, HR tone.

I proceed to read without stopping or looking away from my laptop. I keep my voice low and monotone.

“The Big Picture

"My thoughts have led me to the conclusion that there are five major areas of life and overall health that need to be kept in balance. These are thoughts I’ve had for many years and a philosophy I’ve tried to live through goals, values, etcetera.

"The five areas are:  Emotional Health, Spiritual Health, Physical Health, Social Health, and Financial Health.

"Emotional Health = Health of Mind = Love, peace, and tranquility. It includes things like . . .

- Unconditional love of oneself 

- Freedom to express your feelings

- Freedom to explore your wants, desires, dreams, and goals

- Feelings of safety and security

- Continual learning and growing

- Understanding the flow of energy and having an open mind and heart to receive it

"Spiritual Health = God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and our souls. It includes things like: 

- Religion and faith

- Prayers 

- Belief in everlasting life in Heaven

- Seeking the Kingdom of God first and above all

- Listening for and following God’s will

- Trusting God’s promise of abundance for those who follow him

- Knowing He is the source of all energy and all life

- Transforming God’s love energy into a loving, healthy, and soul-binding relationship

"Physical Health = Life here on Earth. It includes:

- Diet for health, vitality, and longevity

- Exercise for health, stamina, vitality, and longevity

- Taking care of our bodies in order to enjoy what life brings

- Enjoying healthy physical and sexual pleasures without shame

- Exploring and experiencing sexual desires to keep things exciting and new

- Transforming sexual energy to prolong a healthy life

"Social Health = Meaningful loving relationships. This includes:

- Finding and loving your soulmate

- Having close friends

- Accepting and loving family members as they are

- Nurturing good, healthy relationships with coworkers, employees, and employers alike

- Being generally kind to all people

- Meeting people where they are in life without judgement

"Financial Health = Financial freedom. Achieving this brings:

- Freedom of time – Allows one to concentrate on important, but not “needed” items

- Freedom to explore – Explore all life has to offer

- Security – No fear of not being able to provide or survive

- Nutrition – Allows the resources to buy or grow healthy foods

- Financial freedom is high on the hierarchy of needs – Self-actualization is highest

- Emotional freedom – Tranquility – Needs are met

"In this writing, I will focus on my philosophies of 1) God: our source of sexual energy; 2) transforming and absorbing said sexual energy;  3) feelings of love, commitment, and devotion, and, finally, 4) binding souls together with God’s Love

"Sexual Energy 

"Sexual energy, when transformed and used properly, is the energy of love; God’s love to be exact. Love is the energy that creates life. Love, therefore, is God's energy. God gave us humans the ability to gather, build, transform, and absorb sexual energy as a means to express and experience God’s love energy in a physical way here on Earth. Animals have the same sexual energy, but have no mechanism for transforming and absorbing it. Animals have sexual energy for reproduction/procreation only. They have the instincts for sex, but have no ability to experience love during or after sex. Therefore, when tapped into, in a healthy way, God’s love can be felt, and/or experienced by humans through our sexual experiences.

"Sexual energy can be transformed by humans into God’s love energy. Sexual energy is gathered and transformed then released by the man and the woman to create life. In a deep, loving relationship, this same sexual energy can be used by the man and the woman to prolong their life or improve their health. Essentially, we can reabsorb the sexual energy (i.e. life-creating energy) God gave us to help us live longer, healthier, and more loving lives. In addition to extending the longevity of our healthy life here on Earth, learning how to increase and reabsorb God’s love through advanced techniques can greatly increase our feelings of love, increase the feelings of commitment and devotion in a relationship, and bind two souls together for eternity. On the contrary, wasting or misusing our sexual energy may shorten our lives or hurt our health.

"In short, sexual energy can only be properly transformed through love; God’s love.”

My mouth is dry as a bone. I guess this is really dry. I take a gulp of my lukewarm coffee and look up to see Tabitha staring off into the distance behind me. I look at her for a few seconds without her expression changing. I wave my hand in front of her face, and she seems to snap back to Earth from wherever she was.

“Hello?  Are you in there?" I ask.

“Sounds good. Please continue," Tabitha states without expression. She sounds like a robot.

I peer at her for a second. She stares back into la la land behind me. 

Strange. 

I continue to read the dry, boring words of my philosophy.  

“Gathering, Transforming, and Absorbing God’s Love

"For the human male, some nutritional energy is transformed by his body and stored as sexual energy. There is no need to transform the sexual energy in the male into love/life-creating/life-force energy through external methods. This process is autonomous. This automatic transformation of sexual energy into love energy causes arousal and desire in the male. It is the reason why most human sexual relations are initiated by the male of the species. If the male is externally aroused, such as when involved in an intimate relationship, or he looks at pornography, his body turns more of his nutritional energy into sexual energy. This is done in anticipation of orgasm and ejaculation. If, however, the male does not orgasm and ejaculate, his sexual energy, and therefore arousal, continues to increase.

"The life-creating energy builds up until the male has an orgasm and ejaculates. At that time, the male’s  life-force (i.e. his essence) is drained from his body and lost. If the male ejaculates into, or even onto a woman, some of his essence is absorbed by her flesh, but most of it is still lost to the environment. Therefore, every time a male orgasms and ejaculates, whether he is engaged in sexual activity with a partner or alone, he loses some of his life-force. 

"A male, through advanced techniques, can learn to, essentially, farm his sexual energy by withholding his ejaculations and redistributing the built-up sexual energy throughout his body. These techniques help the male gain control of his sexual desires by reducing his arousal. Reducing his arousal allows him to focus more on building a loving relationship with his partner instead of a primarily sexual relationship.  A purely sexual relationship only seeks orgasm and ejaculation, rather than feelings of love.

"For the woman, like the male, some of her nutritional energy is transformed into sexual energy. The level stored in the woman is low, however, compared to that of the man. Also, it is not transformed into life-creating energy automatically. In addition to sexual energy coming from nutrition, God, and the Holy Spirit also provide this life-giving energy in the female. Unlike the male, however, it does not happen automatically. It is only provided and transformed in the female while she is aroused. The longer the female is aroused, the more sexual energy she is given and, therefore, can gather for use. 

"The love energy accumulated in the female can be, again, released through orgasm (i.e. her essence). In contrast to the male, the essence released by the woman is reabsorbed by her and not lost. Therefore, every time a woman orgasms, whether she is engaged in sexual activity with a partner or by herself, she gains some of God’s life-giving energy; basically increasing her life-force. At the end of her cycle, a woman loses most of her transformed life-force energy through her menstruation. Some of her essence is retained, however, if she experiences orgasms and it is reabsorbed.

"When a man and a woman engage in sexual activities and the male ejaculates, some of the male’s essence, expelled during his ejaculation, is absorbed by the woman’s flesh if she comes in contact with it. The life-forces from the man and the woman can then combine to create life when the woman is in the correct time of her cycle (e.g. the egg is fertilized and the woman conceives). The woman also absorbs some of the male’s essence to help sustain that life if need be. If the woman is not in the correct time of her cycle and/or if the male ejaculates in or on the female in some other manner, the woman still absorbs some of the male’s essence. As explained prior, at the end of her cycle, if the woman is not pregnant, most, but potentially not all, of the female’s transformed sexual energy is lost through her menstruation.

"Now, when a man and a woman are engaged in sexual activity and the woman orgasms, both partners have the ability to absorb some of that life-giving energy. The male can absorb some of the female’s essence via secretions from her vagina, lips, tongue, and nipples. The absorption of the energy by the male is slow compared to that of the female. In addition, the male can only absorb the female’s energy through his mouth or his penis. Therefore, the male must stay in sexual contact with the female’s essence for an extended period of time after she achieves orgasm. It is noted that, naturally, the more orgasms a woman achieves, the more essence is available for re-absorption by both partners.”

I take a gulp of my cold coffee and notice my friend still staring off into la la land.

“Feelings of Love, Commitment, and Devotion 

"In addition to potentially increasing (or decreasing) their respective life-forces, sharing one’s essence with their respective partner also increases the feelings of love a male and female have for one another. As it is well known, sexual energy can be shared even when two people do not love each other. Similarly,  people can still love each other, without sharing their respective essence, but that love will not be as deep or meaningful as in the case when their essences are shared. Numerous studies show that sexual activity in relationships tapers off after about two years. This may be the reason, at least in part, why so many relationships fail between two and seven years. It may be natural to enjoy sexual energy for a period of time, but as most humans are not aware, or know how to, they will likely not properly reabsorb the love energy. Therefore, the love felt between the partners diminishes over time along with the level of sexual activity. The devotion and/or commitment may still be there, but the love in the relationship is not as deep and meaningful as it once was. In general, if sexual energy is not being properly gathered, transformed, shared, and reabsorbed, the lovers will naturally drift apart.

"Binding of Souls

"To combat the eventual decrease and deterioration of the love felt and experienced between partners, the partners need to learn to properly gather, transform, and reabsorb God’s life-giving energy. When done properly, this practice can not only increase the feelings of love, but can also create a bond that goes far beyond the physical world. It can bind the souls of those who share in it.

"In order to create a bond that transcends the physical world, the partners must first connect through deep understanding, respect, trust, and love for one another. Second, they must both believe it is possible to connect beyond the physical realm; to connect at the spiritual level, to connect with their souls. Third, they must learn to share their entire bodies with each other without shame. They need to fully submit to each other for mutual, unselfish enjoyment, and pleasure. They need to, with love, rejoice in each other’s flesh. Lastly, the male must learn to build the woman’s sexual energy through higher and higher levels of arousal and orgasms, while holding off his own ejaculation until their combined energy reaches a level of ecstasy which transcends Earth’s realm and allows their souls to be in union together as one. Then, and only then, can they become true soulmates and create a bond that no man, only God, can ever break." 

I finish reading and close my laptop. I feel my skin prickling with the deep belief in what I read. Reading it again reinforces the desire in me to find my soulmate. I stare for a moment at the closed laptop, trying to imagine how I will feel when I finally meet my soulmate and make love to her in a way that will allow our souls to join. I fight back a tear of joy while staring at the laptop. 

As I look up and across the table, my eyes see the stunned gaze of the woman sitting across from me. As my eyes meet hers, Tabitha looks as if she is shaking herself out of a trance. She blinks her eyes repeatedly and shakes her head as if shaking the cobwebs out. Her hands move from relaxing comfortably on the table, travel up toward her face, and cover her mouth with her fingertips. I see a smile develop from behind her fingers and it expands to include her entire beautiful face.

“What?" I ask. I feel a silly grin expanding across my face, mirroring hers.

Tabitha’s hands pull away from her face, and she purses her lips, trying desperately not to smile, but it seems there is no stopping or containing it. “Mm, mm, nuttin,” she squeezes out through clenched lips, still trying hard not to smile.

“You think I’m weird."

Tabi shakes her head and covers her smile with her fingertips. “Na...no...mm, mm," she says, from behind her fingers.

“Yeah. You know I’m weird.”

“Nnn...no...not that either...mm, mm."

“You promised not to make fun of me if I shared that.”

“D...Di...Did I actually promise that?" she stutters, seemingly trying not to giggle. Her hands are completely covering her face which has become beet red.

“Yes. You promised.”

Tabitha parts her fingers so all I can see is her eyes through them. She giggles, obviously trying not to laugh out loud, and says, “I’m sorry. I don’t think I can keep that promise," then bursts out in a hysterical laugh slapping her knee and the whole bit. “Ohhhh, my! Holy moly! This goes way beyond weird! This takes you to a whole new level of insanity!"

Though I'm embarrassed, I can’t help but laugh along with her.

She gets up and kneels next to me, still laughing hysterically. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and gives me a big squeeze, still laughing and giggling uncontrollably. “I’m sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh Boy. Whew! Woo! Holy moly. I’m sorry, but I have to do this." At this, she releases my feeble self, picks up her phone, and starts dialing a number.

“What are you doing?"

“No worries, I'm just being a good friend and calling the insane asylum to have them come get you!" She doubles herself over in laughter. She looks up, and tears are rolling out of her eyes. Pretty soon, she starts to hyperventilate, saying, “Oh. Geez. I think I’m going to pee my pants,” while crossing her legs like a little kid who has to go to the bathroom really bad before bounding off to the restroom, leaving me alone with the echoes of her laughter.

Every few seconds, I hear her succumb to more bouts of uncontrolled laughter, but they start to get further apart and lower in volume the more time she spends in the bathroom. Every time I hear her laugh, I giggle out of embarrassment.

Tabitha comes back out and as soon as she looks at me, bursts out laughing again, then bolts back into the bathroom. Eventually, she comes out wiping her eyes with a tissue and is actually able to control herself long enough to hold a conversation. We don’t talk about what I just spilled out. Matter of fact, we don’t talk about much at all and end up playing a quick board game before I head home.